If Food was Dirty

“. . . there are only two things you need to make people. You got to have
sex. You got to have food. . . But for some reason, sex is dirty. Maybe God
was a Republican. Somebody said, ‘All right, you want to propogate, go
ahead, but only late at night, with all hte doors closed, man on top, once a
week, that’s it.’ But not only can you eat the charred decaying flesh of
other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your
friends to watch. . . What if sex was clean but food was dirty?

-Punks in passing cars would flash you the fork
-Locker room talk would change: ‘Hey man, how’d you do this weekend?’
‘Two burgers and a bag of french fries. Crinkle cut.’
-Garlic would be illegal in most southern states
-Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection
-Most suburban school districts would ban home ec
-Hookers would become cooks: ‘Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal?
Wanna crack some crab?’
-Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or
they’ll go blind
-Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them

I love the Utne Reader- šŸ™‚

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