Computer Jokes

Yet another collection of jokes. (Nothing to do with me.)

What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?

The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying.

How many computer technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do it and one to tell him he’s doing it wrong.

A computer is an invention that will never be the equal of a man until it can put the blame for its mistakes on some other computer.

Teacher to pupil:

“This homework is a disgrace. I’d like to see a note from your computer.”

Which is faster, a computer or a human being?

Wait — let me think about that one.

Did you know the Cray Two is so fast it can do an infinite loop in two and a half seconds?

“What’s the big deal about computers?”

“A computer enables you to recognize a mistake every time you repeat it.”

“I got a terrific deal on our new computer monitor,” Harold explained to his wife. “The salesman said I’d get used to the red screen and purple characters in no time at all.”

Why do computers like human beings?

Why do you think. Human beings turn them on!

A bank robber decided to knock over a fully computerized bank. He pushed a note into the automatic teller machine that read: “Put the money in the bag, sucker, or I’ll blow your circuits out!”

The machine shoved back this message: “Straighten your tie, sucker. I’m taking your picture.”

A computer Nerd is a guy who knows 147 technically possible ways to have sex but doesn’t know any women.

Before Gordon Cooper ascended in his memorable flight into space, he was approached by a reporter and asked, “How do you feel?” “Terrible,” replied the astronaut. “I’m worried.” “But look what you’re doing for your country, your family, posterity. What’ve you got to be worried about?” Said Cooper, “There are one thousand gadgets in this computer, and each one has been made by the lowest bidder.”

The new computer was attempting to translate from English into Russian. It was doing fine until the operator typed in “Out of Sight, Out of Mind.”

The Russian translation: “Invisible Insanity.”

The Russians have developed a microcomputer that they brag is the biggest microcomputer in the world…..

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