College Vocabulary

Word Descrption
ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.”
ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what it REALLY involves.
BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay awake long enough to read the night before finals.
BOOKBAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin “cafe” (“place to eat”) and “teria” (“to wretch”).
CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.
CALL: (v) What you can’t do because your stupid roommate has to go over every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown sweetheart.
COACH: (n) A teacher who rewards successful “students” with a new Corvette.
CUM LAUDE: (v) How students in southern universities call dogs named “Laude.”
D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.
DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles from 8 a.m. classes.
DORMROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people.
EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies and magazines.
EGGHEAD: (n) A brainy student who studies all the time and gets straight A’s.
(n) That same student once you’ve dropped eggs on him from the roof of the science lab.
EXTRA CREDIT: (n) What you wish you had on your credit card.
F: (n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a “B” on a test paper.
JUNIOR VARSITY: (n) The team that everybody supports, but nobody goes to watch.
KAPPA: (n) What members of sororities or fraternities wear on their headas.
KITCHENETTE: (n) A small, thin person working in the cafeteria kitchen.
KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you’re holding.
LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead frogs they dissect.
LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: “Would you like fries with that?”
LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the only furniture that isn’t soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.
MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
MIDNIGHT OIL: (n) What you make popcorn in.
MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person your roomie fixed you up with because “the two of you are so much alike.”
NICKNAME: (n) Generally, your own name with the suffix “ster” attached in a forced awkward attempt at familiarity. E.g. “Bobster,” “Hankster” or “Georgester.”
NO: (n) The response that guys who will spend most of their time in the gym lifting weights might put on a true/false test.
NUDE MODELS: (n) The reason for your sudden interest in art.
OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining county.
OTHELLO: (n) Unless you’re an English major, who really cares??
OUT: (n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she belongs to calls with a very important message.
PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dormroom while making people think you’ve been to foreign lands and done things you never have.
PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
VENDING MACHINE : (n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast, lunch and dinner.
VICTOR: (n) Your football team’s weekly opponent.
VICTORY: (n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders CAN spell.
WEEKEND : (n) Two day period during which your growling stomach makes you really wish you’d signed up for a seven day meal plan.
WHIZ KID: (n) Your college nickname. But not for the reason people think.
WINDELLAS: (n) Name of the circus family you can run away and join when your parents find out how much you put on their charge card.
WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally kicks in.
WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.
WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class you’re currently late for.
X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria meatballs up to ten years after they’re eaten.
XYLEM: (n) We’re not going to tell you this. You should know this. You took Biology, didn’t you? (Were you asleep that day or what?)
YALE: (n) A well known ivy league university.
(v) What southern cheerleaders do.
YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will keep getting nerdier as the years go by.
YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was due.
YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you “purchased” around 3 in the morning with the help of two buddies and a hammer.
ZEPPELIN: (n) A large blimp.
(n) Still the best band for playing air guitar in one’s underwear.
ZERO: (n) The number of times you’ve gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered.
ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little neater.
ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: “Frat boys at Homecoming”).
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