Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________ I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ I am in love! __ I am engaged __ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on __ Gave me a black eye __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ??? __ Has fleas My Professors are: __ Sadistic water walkers __ Mental institution escapees __ Brain dead nerds __ Super oxygen thieves Latest News: __ I wrecked the car __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit __ You are going to have a grandchild __ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild Food: __ Is great! __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals Health: __ I have gained _____ pounds __ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis __ My HIV test was: _____ positive _____ negative (check only one) __ I died yesterday! Grades: __ I am making all A's __ I am not being properly challenged __ I will be home after this semester I study: __ Night and day __ All the time __ 80 hours a week __ Only on Sunday afternoon __ None of the above Daily Devotions: __ I read my Bible everyday __ I can't read __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars On my last visit home, I left: __ My glasses __ My paper that was due yesterday __ The clothes you washed for me __ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment __ Other _____________________________________________ Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue) Laundry: __ My white underwear is now _________________ __ I am saving money by not using detergent __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains My room: __ Can pass your "white glove" test __ Is only _____% full __ Could not be located last Saturday night __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training Parties: __ I don't inhale __ I only go to meet people __ Haven't been to one since this morning Hope you: __ Miss me __ Can live without me __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence Salutation: __ Your Daughter, __ Your Son, __ Yours, __________________________________________________ Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law) Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X").
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