Computer Jokes

Yet another collection of jokes. (Nothing to do with me.) What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman? The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying. How many computer technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to do it and one to tell … Continue reading

Long-Life

The grand old man at the home was celebrating his 110th birthday and the reporter asked him: “Tell me, what do you think is the reason for your long life?” The old man thought for a while, and then said: “I suppose it’s because i was born such a long … Continue reading

Are You A Foreigner?

Hotel receptionist in Spain to Englishman: ‘Are you a foreigner?’ Englishman: ‘Certainly not! I’m British!’

Wahed My Dog

“I washed my dog last night and he died.” “Died? But why? Washing a dog can’t kill it.” “Well, it was either washing it or the spin dryer that did it.”

Baton Twirler

During a parade through Ventura, California, a drum major twirled his baton and threw it high in the air. It hit a power cable and melted. It also blacked out ten blocks, put a radio station off the air and started a grass fire.

honey

,____ ,____ / /~ / /~ ,____ / / / / / /~ ),.”~~~ ,/ ) / / |_/|___ ~~~ / ^ ^ ~~~ ),.”~~|/~| / @ @ ~~~ / ^ ^ __,” ( ^v^ * ) / @ @ ) ^|/^ / ( * ) __/===.””.=======.””.======== ^v^ /.””; ^^ … Continue reading

dog4

/ __ ( @___ / O / (_____/ /_____/ U

footprints

************************************************************************ * FOOT PRINTS * * * * ooooO One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach * * ( ) with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed * * ) [ Ooooo across the sky, sometimes there were two sets of * * (_) ( … Continue reading

scooby

;`, ,-, ; ; ‘.;’ ,’: `. ,’::;`. ,::`. `. ::::`. ; :.::`. `. :____;/_ `:__:: :,-‘ ___ _`__ `. ; ,’ /___ ___ _____ `. ` ; ~ / `. ,:::::::. / `._ o`’o ; __,—–,::####::::. .’ __) ~’ ::####:::::: : `::::::::::’ ,’ , `:::::::;’ : ,/. ,’`. `—-‘ … Continue reading

reaper

… ;::::; ;::::; :; ;:::::’ :; ;:::::; ;. ,:::::’ ; OOO ::::::; ; OOOOO ;:::::; ; OOOOOOOO ,;::::::; ;’ / OOOOOOO ;:::::::::`. ,,,;. / / DOOOOOO .’;:::::::::::::::::;, / / DOOOO ,::::::;::::::;;;;::::;, / / DOOO ;`::::::`’::::::;;;::::: ,#/ / DOOO :`:::::::`;::::::;;::: ;::# / DOOO ::`:::::::`;:::::::: ;::::# / DOO `:`:::::::`;:::::: ;::::::#/ DOO :::`:::::::`;; … Continue reading

moon1

. + + . ___ . . _.–“~~ __”-. ,-” .-~ ~”- . . .^ / ( ) . + {_.—._ / ~ / . Y . / _j + . Y ( –l__ | “-. . | (___ . | .)~-.__/ . . l _) . “l + ^. … Continue reading

squirrel

Beware the |__/| .~ ~. killer squirrels /o=o’`./ .’ will get yo {o__, { o / . . ) o `-` ‘-‘ } u .( _( )_.’ :. ‘—.~_ _ _| :.

gun

_ | | @#####@ (### ###)-. .(### ###) c / (### ###) ) (=- .@#####@|_–” /c c_|l|_/ (c (=-c |l| / c c.___|l|___/ /c |_| / (=-c._________/c c / c._________/ # —- # # __ # c########/

frog1

____ __.—“”—.__ ____ /####/ /#### (/~~~~~) (~~~~~) __oo/ oo__/ __/ __ .-” . . “-. | | .._ _../ | | .”-.__________.-“./ / / “–.________.–” / / ___ _ _/ /___ ./ ))))) =((((( / _ _/ / ____/””-.____.-“”____/ / / / . .| |. ./ .” / | / … Continue reading

trapped

_ _ _ ___ ____ _ ___ _ _ | /| | | / | | __| |___| | / | | | ___| | | | | | | _|_ . | ___| ___| | | __ ___ ____ ____ ____ _____ / | __| / | / | … Continue reading

flower8

. – ~ ~, .~_ . – ~.’~_~. .–~-. | { ‘-~ -. ` }.; _`.__|`.~.{ _ _ .-: `—._ .| .-~ .-~ } __ .~ .-~ .~ ‘ ‘_ _ -~ `.`. // . – ~ ~-.__`.`-.// .-~ . – ~ }~ ~ ~-.~-. .’ .-~ .-~ |/~-.~-./| /_~_ … Continue reading

Funny Stories

Two guys were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting, … Continue reading

Buying Cars

Luckily, we live in a country where cars are fairly inexpensive; where your average Joe Bloggs can, for just a few dollars, look at a car way out of his price bracket and pretend that he’s a genuine customer. There are three generally accepted practices for purchasing a car; the … Continue reading

Jokes Collection 2

What’s the difference between a dead politician lying in the middle of the road, and a dead dog in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! Paddy decided to tidy himself up a bit one day, and went out and bought himself a … Continue reading

Has Someone Said “You Don’t Know Jack Schitt….”?

Jack Schitt is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O.Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran the Kneedeep Inn-Schitt. Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt, and together they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first child, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin … Continue reading

Honeymooners

A young couple arrives at a hotel and the desk clerk signs them into the honeymoon suite. 30 minutes later, the groom comes back down stairs and asks the desk clerk, “Is there anything to do around here?” Desk Clerk, “Excuse me, but aren’t you on your honeymoon?” Groom, “Yes?” … Continue reading

The Reverend John Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something … Continue reading

Best Joke

Grand Prize Winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With … Continue reading