Drugs Education

Two cops were assigned to the local schools. Their job was to get the students to sign a pledge not to do drugs. After about two weeks their supervisor called them into his office. Why? he asked Do you have such a difference in success? Cop 1 is only signing … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo In A Final Exam (That Does Not Matter)

(i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

University Entrance Exam: Football Player Version

What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a bridge sail the ocean lead an army or WRITE A … Continue reading

What Professors Really Mean

If you get the feeling that professors live in a world of their own, you’re right. They even have a language all their own When professors say this They really mean this This needs some minor revision. I never actually got around to reading this. My office hours are by … Continue reading

Guide to Lecturer-Spotting

It is only now that the alert first year will begin to notice that the majority of his lecturers are actually stranger than the students surrounding him. However it may not yet be entirely clear how varied these examples of mental deformity can be. Here we will go through a … Continue reading

50 Fun Things for Professors ToDo on the First Day of Class

===================================================== 50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last … Continue reading

An Engineer, A Physicist and A Business Major; Job Interview

Once, an engineer, a physicist and a business major all applied for the same job. The person interviewed all three, and thought all were excellent. He had to think of some way to find the best person. So he told them all to come back the next day and tell … Continue reading

The Student Mind During A Final Exam

As finals week draws near, I thought “us” college students could use a little refresher on how to take a test……enjoy The last thoughts, and percentages of brain capacity 10% The prof. never covered this section! 10% Actual knowledge on the subject. 10% The T.A.’s kinda cute! 10% I knew … Continue reading

The Wayside Chapel

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

Nickel or a Dime

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Alley’s Grocery Store. I don’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer … Continue reading

Grammer Made Easy in 23 Steps

Don’t abbrev. Check to see if you any words out. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct. About sentence fragments. When dangling, don’t use participles. Don’t use no double negatives. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent. Just between you and I, case is important. Join clauses good, like a … Continue reading

Surprise Graduation

Dear Dad, Thanks for the money to begin the second semester with. The only trouble is, I graduated yesterday. I know it’s sort of a surprise, with me being an entering freshman only several months ago. It was sort of a surprise to me too. I went to register yesterday … Continue reading

University Course Evaluation Comments

A friend of mine goes to Brown University. They have a publication there called “The Critical Review.” A section has student comments on a class. Here are some of the more humorous:   Insights from Student Surveys: “He spoke, I had no clue, it was as mutal relationship.” “The book was written … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

Learning To Spell With “Darnell”

This is “Learning to Spell with Darnell”. I be Darnell Jackson, and today we’re gonna spell the word __________. Spell it with me, now let’s use it in a sentence. Word Darnell Sentence Widen “When my girlfriend, Larina, told me she was pregnant I said, widen you tell me you … Continue reading

Cool Things Todo In A College Dorm Shower Stall

Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, “I didn’t know I had one of THOSE!” Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed … Continue reading

What I Learned in College

ON METAPHYSICS Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you’ve been kicked in the head like this before. ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES There is a CD out entitled “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane“. If you buy this, take it … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

Psych Experiment

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me!” The man snapped to attention … Continue reading

Getting the Attention Of The Class

Getting and keeping students’ attention, particularly as the semester wears on, is always a problem. I offer my colleagues the following method whereby I gain attention from the first moments of class, and regain it at any time during the year. Purchase one of those ‘gourmet’ candy canes from the … Continue reading

Guide to College

Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where … Continue reading

College Vocabulary

Word Descrption ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.” ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what … Continue reading