100 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was a Better President Than
by P.J. O’Rourke
The American Spectator
*Carter was a good man to have on board when your canoe was attacked by a
*Carter hardly ever hugged or kissed anyone in public except Leonid Brezhnev.
*The FBI didn’t kill anybody at Jonestown.
*Bert Lance could make a bigger splash doing a cannonball into the Camp David
pool than Webb Hubbell.
*Hamilton Jordan could beat Mack McLarty at arm wrestling.
*Plus Jordan could get into Studio 54.
*Joseph Califano was prettier than Donna Shalala.
*And he opposed abortion (though maybe he hadn’t met Donna yet).
*Warren Christopher was young and full of pep during the Carter
*And Warren Christopher’s initials look funnier on a brief case than Cyrus
*Zbigniew Brzezinski is worth more points in a Scrabble game than Anthony
*Jimmy Carter didn’t play any Fleetwood Mac songs on the campaign trail,
*Or any Judy Collins records at home,
*Or any saxophones anywhere.
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*No one can say a word against a Carter Supreme Court appointee.
*Carter did not use Bloomsbury, Mayfair, Pall Mall, Hackney, Notting Hill,
Shoreditch, or any other London neighborhood as the name of his child.
*One thing about Carter-era inflation, the money may have been worthless but
at least we had some. Endangered Species Carter AdministrationClinton
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*Jimmy Carter’s nervous smirk was less demanding of a punch in the snoot,
even if it did present a larger target.
*Navy football team can whip Oxford’s.
*Carter did not, as part of focusing on his agenda, address himself as
“Stupid.” He let us do that for him.
*Carter wore real blue jeans and not the Levi’s 550 roomy-in-the-buns kind.
*Carter’s poll ratings were higher (in Iraq).
*Carter walked the whole inaugural parade route.
*Carter saved America from a plague of Misha the Bear Olympic mascot toys.
*Has Bill Clinton helped the Shah of Iran get medical treatment?
*Carter spent his time doing things like figuring out the White House tennis
court playing schedule– the man knew his intellectual limitations.
*Carter had enough clout to get Lani Guinier appointed to the Justice
Department (and anyone who gets shot down for holding Menckenish views about
the excesses of democracy had to be some kind of friend of ours even if she
doesn’t know it).
*Carter let the Soviets have Angola, Ethiopia, and South Yemen. And, in
retrospect, the Soviets deserved no better.
*Carter wasn’t a throwback to the Carter Era.
* And let us not forget that Jimmy Carter gave us one thing Bill Clinton can
never possibly give us– Ronald Reagan.