You Know You’ve Been On The Computer Too Long When…

When you are counting objects, you go “0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”. When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading

Presidential Quotes

1. If presidents don’t do it to their wives, they do it to the country. – – –Mel Brooks 2. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. –Clarence Darrow 4. You’re asking the leader of the Western world a … Continue reading

Men are Illegal

WATCH OUT, GUYS, ALL MEN ARE NOW ILLEGAL by Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning columnist copied from The Boston Sunday Globe, June 23, 1991 Ask yourself this question: Are you a guy of the male gender? If so, I advise you to report to prison immediately, because you are violating … Continue reading

You Know You A Ho When

You’ve slept with Geraldo Rivera. Arsenio touches your knee. Even Richard Dawson won’t kiss you. Sheik offers you free shares in the company. You become a vaseline spokesperson. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn’t bother you. The EPA comes looking for you. You go throught a Sealy … Continue reading

The Yes Man

OK, you know that in Hollywood, every producer has his “Yes Man” whose job is to follow the producer around and say, “Yes, CB”, “Right, CB” and so on. Well, one of these Yes Men got depressed, so down in fact that he was unable to function. So he consulted … Continue reading

The Engineers Song

THE ENGINEERS SONG (SUNG TO THE TUNE OF THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES) Come and listen to a story bout a man named Jed, A poor College Kid barely kept his family fed, But then one day he was talking to a recruiter, He said “They’ll pay ya big bucks if ya … Continue reading

First Aid Part II

Part two of First Aid. HEAT High temperature. Pale and Lock up victim in walk-in EXHAUSTION clammy skin, or hot and freezer for 1-2 hours. flushed skin. Headache and weakness. Possible nausea. INSECT BITES Pain and redness at the Capture insect and mash to and STINGS site of the sting … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading

Phrack Magazine, Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 9 of 28

==Phrack Magazine== Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 9 of 28 **************************************************************************** Legal Info by Szechuan Death OK. This document applies only to United States citizens: if you are a citizen of some other fascist country, don’t come whining to me when this doesn’t work….. 🙂 Make no mistake: I’m not … Continue reading