*written by: Denis Gannon(1940-1991) sung to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”*

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

How tough are both your branches.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

To pass what are my chances?

Derivatives I cannot take,

At integrals my fingers shake.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

How tough are both your branches.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

Your theorems I can’t master.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

My Proofs are a disaster.

You pull a trick out of the air,

Or find a reason, God knows where.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

Your theorems I can’t master.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

Your problems do distress me.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

Related rates depress me.

I walk toward lampposts in my sleep,

And running water makes me weep.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

Your problems do distress me.

Oh, Calculus; Oh,Calculus,

My limit I am reaching.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,

For mercy I’m beseeching.

My grades do not approach a B,

They’re just an epsilon from D.

Oh, Calculus; Oh,Calculus,

My limit I am reaching.