2 Top Tens

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TOP TEN REASONS THE BRITISH LOST THE COLONIES
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10. Hard to shoot straight with sissified powdered wig falling in your
eyes

9. Wanted to just lose New Jersey but got carried away

8. Colonists on steroids

7. Spent too much time guessing who’s gay in the royal family

6. Their diet: tea and crumpets. Our diet: raw squirrel meat and
whiskey.

5. Serious problems with snuff abuse

4. Lots of painful poking accidents trying to put on those pointy hats
of theirs

3. We had Batman

2. Wanted to get first draft choice

1. Uninspiring battle cry: “Let’s win this for our swishy inbred
monarch!”

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TOP TEN KEEBLER ELF EUPHEMISMS FOR DEATH
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10. Bit the big morsel

9. Failed his freshness test

8. On the cooling rack

7. Bought the Pepperidge Farm

6. Gone to aisle three

5. Creamy casket filling

4. Owl bait

3. Super-fudge-a-riffically-dead

2. Overbaked

1. Somebody get the Mini-Vac!

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